Why would someone want to abandon the well respected career they worked so hard to achieve?
I've been asking myself the same thing lately, and coming to terms with the fact that I was unhappy in my role as a nurse in our (insurance company, pharmaceutical, hospital administration driven, CYA) healthcare system was no easy pill to swallow either. Although fates (whether you believe in them or not) collided to bring me to the point where I am today, right here, writing this blog entry.
Story time
When asked to describe myself, I usually say that I am eternally curious. I have always loved school, and I excelled at it too. I was awarded a full baccalaureate scholarship by the time I was in 8th grade. I especially loved the sciences, and enjoyed the thought of working as a healer. My first year of college, I was slated as "Pre-Med" until the reality of job prospect limitations of a Bachelors of Science in Biology degree, and the terrifying thought of going ~$200k in debt for medical school, sank in. I switched my major to Nursing, knowing that there would always be a demand for nurses, at least that is what they say isn't it, and they aren't wrong. When our culture dismisses the importance of proper nutrition and preventative health care, we are left with the masses sick, obese, and sadly uneducated or simply unmotivated about what factors are in their power in order to change their health circumstances. It is the result of an instant gratification society.
During my undergraduate studies, I was fortunate enough to travel to China for two weeks with the International Scholar Laureate Program as a Nursing delegate. We sat in on lectures from many Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) healers, toured both Eastern and Western Medicine Hospitals and Schools, both in very urban areas, such as Beijing and Shanghai, but also very rural areas, like in Xi'an. China has unique issues given that they have a population of 1 billion more people than the United States, and there are very few doctors to go around. A common thing I heard amongst the local people I spoke with was "i've never seen a doctor, I'm not dying." This had a profound impact on my thinking in regards to health because the reality of it is those people really take their health seriously and generationally passed knowledge about medicinal herbs is often times employed. If you've ever been inside of a TCM Pharmacy, then you know of the intoxicating aromas of thousands of herbs all congealing into something so natural, so beautiful, and I can't help but get the feeling that this is the way it is supposed to be. The ancient knowledge of healing herbs and Qi in TCM is probably what first interested me in moving away from the traditional western model of medicine, even if I didn't fully embrace it for another 7 years.
A few years after my visit to China, I was able to visit Ecuador through my University's MedLife Chapter, and I spent a week in the rural Andes Mountains helping to facilitate mobile clinics where people had very limited if not no medical access at all. Most of what we did was primary care and education based. I thoroughly enjoyed my experience because for the vast majority of adults, their main complaint was arthritis. Most of the people were farmers, and high elevation farming is no easy feat.. but they were generally healthy, something that was very different from my nursing clinicals back in the United States where chronic lifestyle-induced preventable diseases are commonplace.
I studied on. Graduating within the top 10% of my class and was inducted into the prestigious Sigma Theta Tau International Nursing Honor Society. I married my best friend, and long time boyfriend, who joined the United States Coast Guard during my first year of nursing school. We then moved to where he was stationed, not too far away. We lived in Florida at the time. I landed my "dream job" in a Neuro/Trauma Surgical Intensive Care Unit. I enjoyed the face-paced, high-acuity, critical thinking required of me. At least, I enjoyed the idea of it, I enjoyed the respect that came with the title. I worked with a great team of nurses, doctors, respiratory care, nursing assistants, and occupation and physical therapists.. many of whom became my friends.
I worked the night shift because before I was a nurse, I was a bartender, and early rising was never my strong suit. I guess I didn't realize how much stress I was actually under, working overtime more weeks than not, all the while fighting my intuition about how I disagreed at my core with the way our healthcare system was run. Granted, at this point of my life, I was eating shit, sleeping like shit, not exercising regularly, dehydrated, depressed, and just generally exhausted pretty much all of the time. If I'm being honest, it was totally my fault that I wasn't in the best place physically or mentally, and i'm not denying that some nurses are just better at coping than I was. However the system is a little bit rigged against you when you're pushing drugs all day, taking care of others, and it isn't until your drive home when you realize you haven't peed in over 13 hours. Yet you are the one giving advice on how people are supposed to be living a healthy life. I felt like a fraud.
After going on this way for about a year a half, we got word from the Coast Guard that we would be packing up and moving to Puerto Rico shortly after Hurricane Maria devastated the island. As someone who had never been unemployed since age 15, this was hard for me, I went through all 5 stages of grief Kubler Ross style regarding the perceived loss of my career over the next year. A little back story, whenever we first found out we would be moving, we started trying to have a baby, and it didn't happen.. not for 7 months, and it only did happen after I left my stressful job and we moved to PR. The amenorrhea and struggle with infertility is what initially made me look long and hard at the way I was previously living my life, and the constant stress I was under.
After I had my son, I knew that I didn't want to feel like that ever again. It is hard when you realize that you are the one that has been holding you back the whole time. I slowly began changing my the way I lived my life, drinking more water, drinking less alcohol, eat organic locally sourced fruits and vegetables, eliminating or at least reducing known carcinogenic and toxic chemicals from my day to day, exercising consistently - and by exercise I mean taking daily walks, and I started feeling better. I was sleeping better, I was less bloated, I quit drinking coffee yet had more energy than ever before, my skin cleared up, and I slowly began to gain some insight about why I had struggled with depression and feeling like I wasn't my most authentic self. Then I started researching herbs and medicinal plants, and I realized rather quickly that I had always held this belief about how we should approach health. So for once, instead of fighting it, I have decided to embrace it. Even if that means that people in my life will judge me for it. Even though it is daunting realizing how much more schooling I need to put myself through in order to feel as though I have some semblance of understanding.
I believe our bodies know how to heal themselves, and as health practitioners it is our responsibility to investigate the cause(s) of disease holistically, taking into consideration the mind, body, and spirit. I believe we should always start by encouraging healthier lifestyle choices, nutrition, and natural supportive measures. I believe that we should always lean toward the less toxic, less invasive measures, where applicable, and I believe we should look to whole plants first.
Disclaimer: I worked in trauma, I know the value of western medicine and surgery in an emergency situation, and I am not trying to discredit that in the slightest. I only feel as though there are other ways to treat common ailments or chronic diseases without the use of harsh pharmaceuticals as a first line of treatment. Part of this comes down to educating people (and ourselves!) about the efficacy of plant allies that have been used successfully for thousands of years. Often times without many of the paragraphs-long list of side effects.
This blog will be about my journey. My journey diving into the realm of ethnopharmacology, holistic health, and naturopathy. I hope to share about what I learn growing medicinal plants in the tropics, making my own medicines, and coming to a greater understanding of the symbiosis of the world that surrounds us.
The Green Witxh,
Veronica Rensen
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